The  happy CPA on Public TV (Jonathan Han (sp?) or The Taxman, as he calls himself, opened his celebration of the present tax code wearing a tri-cornered hat, and standing on a quay at Boston Harbor.  Some of you who attended public school during the 1950s may recall that Boston Harbor was the location of the American Revolutionary tax revolt.  It was quite a tea party.
    (For those of you who attended public schools in the 1960s, Boston is a coastal city in Massachusetts.  For those of you who attended public schools in the 1970s, Massachusetts is what is known as a state, which is a kind of governmental turf ... a big  federal "hood."  For those of you who attended public schools in the 1980s, America is the place where Christopher Columbus went to kill and rob innocent aboriginal people who didn't practice cannibalism or enslave each other, no matter what Rush Limbaugh says.  And, for those of you who just begun attending public schools in the 1990s, my heart goes out to you.)
     Anyway, the big news today is the capital gains revisions.  Now, unless you have investments in an IRA, and have lived in a home less than two years, your capital gains rate, assuming you have not written off part of the home as an investment as an office or rental, does not need to be amortized in the linear scale mode when the percentile of valuation increase is not related to a reinvestment schedule of more or less than the revitalized incremental subornation of the difference between the corollary of the interrelationship of the baseline rate of the early withdrawal portion of  the product of the greater of the deductions times the lesser of the differences of the sums of the squares of  the excluded percentages as noted in Section 3557.0034, Paragraph 68, line 7 of the U.S. Revised Tax Code of 1998.
     And, this is only one of the many simplifications now installed in the code
     By simplifying the tax code, we have reduced the stack of regulations from ten feet in height to fourteen feet in height.  The process is directly tied to a bureaucratic theory known as "increased reduction."  This works as follows.  If a government bureau spent ten dollars last year to do two things wrong, then spends twenty dollars this year to do four thing wrong, we have a net decrease in expenditures because they could have spent forty dollars to do even more things wrong, which is what they have planned for next year.
     Recently, His Lasciviousness, William Clinton, called the Republicans "irresponsible" for suggesting the dumping of the complete tax code as of 2000.  I am almost inclined to agree with the President, since he is obviously the world’s leading expert on irresponsibility.   But, in the end, I must bend support in the direction of Newt "Atilla the Hun" Gingrich and Trent "hitman" Lott.
     I’m going to buy a tri-cornered hat and throw a liberal into the Willamette River.

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