The current dominant power is traditionally considered as the primary
target of satire, except in the United States. Today's dominant American
power structure is liberal, yet the bulk of mainstream film, publishing,
theatrical and written satire is aimed at conservatism.
The much maligned U.S. House of Representatives,
headed by the evil Gingrich Who Stole Christmas (it is the liberal who
despises Christianity), is a lonely lighthouse standing against an oncoming
typhoon of lies, hypocrisy, demagoguery, bigotry, manipulation and criminal
behaviour by what are laughingly known as American "Progressives."
Yet the bulk of current satire is aimed at these
very conservatives.
But, the world seems to be changing, thank whichever
gods you admire. Socialism is effectively recognized as the joke
it is almost everywhere on the planet. The only exceptions are a
few economic disasters like North Korea and Cuba, and the latest European
banality, France, which will soon go broke.
Hopefully, the day is not far off when conservatives
can focus our satire on the merely stupid and criminal among us.
But, for now, conservative satire in America must look to our liberal politicians,
educators, authors, journalists, artists and bureaucrats.
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News flash!**News flash!*** News
flash!***News flash!***News flash!**News flash!
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Goose Objects To Open Season!
Portland -- IPNS
by Iron Pants star reporter, Tiffany Trick
Portland police chief, I.B.D. Goose, today said that rampant criticisms
aimed in his direction were nothing more than a media open season, and
that they were inaccurate and unfair. Reacting to national publication
of statistics rating Portland as one of the most dangerous cities in the
country, he said, "Crime has gone down since I took office. There's
more shootings and stabbings and robberies, of course, but the crime rate
is 300% lower than it would have been if I wasn't the chief."
Responding to reports that he is a racist, he stated,
"My white boys is as smart as you could expect white boys to be, and some
of 'em is my best friends.. None of 'em can jump, of course, but
you don't expect that from honkies."
And, commenting on charges that were raised following
a recent standoff with an armed criminal in the Milwaukie area, he
said, "I don't have no problem with the Second Amendment to the Constitution.
I just don't think your average citizen should be allowed to have guns.
The government has all the guns we need."
Mayor Veronica "Butch" Blatz' office issued a statement
that said she has complete faith in Chief Goose, and believes that he represents
the kind of law enforcement places like Detroit and Washington, D.C. enjoy
at present.
"Mr. Goose is an African-American," she went on
to say. "It isn't right to criticise them, no matter how bad a job
they do. And, you shouldn't say anything bad about women, either.
And, I don't think the people should have guns, either. They should
do what the government tells them to do. And send us all their money,
like Governor Blitzkreger wants them to do."
Further comment from the two was unavailable because
they were both due to attend an ACLU conference on the benefits of Incremental
Socialism.
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News flash!**News Flash!*** News
flash!***News flash!***News flash!**News flash!
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Governor Blitzkreger Brings Down City Club!
Portland -- IPNS
by Iron Pants political analyst,
D.C. Washington
The walls of the City Club echoed
with huzzahs for Oregon Governor John "Lenin" Blitzkreger recently as he
gave his annual state-of-the-state report to the people. The clarity
and concise nature of his analysis of current conditions, and the tightly
targeted approaches he recommended for dealing with the problems and opportunities
facing Oregon, were all greeted with enthusiastic support by those in attendance
-- the vast majority of them just arrived from attending the nearby Annual
NW Portland School Bus Psychedelic Spraypaint Love-In and Hempcake Bakeoff.
"I believe in
good weather!" he said to the cheering crowd. "And I believe in good
education for our children! And better transportation. And
less crime. And a fifty dollar an hour miminum wage. And free
health care. And free housing. And free food.
And the people's ownership and control of the means of production!"
After denouncing the Republican-controlled legislature
for refusing to redirect gas taxes to the construction of bike paths and
the West Side Gang Transit Authority, he went on to explain how, in spite
of the fascists in Salem, he knows just how to create an Oregon People's
Utopia.
"We must
all pull together on the oars of state because we're all in the same boat
of which I am the captain! Don't forget, it takes a village full
of idio--uh, citizens who must be heavily taxe--uh, willing to contribute
to the betterment of all!"
Wild Bill Wizemore,
who since has announced he is a candidate for Governor, said after the
speech that he didn't share the audience's, and the media's, enthusiasm
for Blitzkreger's talk.
"I don't think
the people will like a hundred and twenty-five percent tax rate," he said.
Blitzkreger's
office released a statement complaining that Wizemore just didn't get it.
Wizemore, the statement said, hasn't got a good squeeze any more.
Governor Blitzkreger, like President Clinton, is famous for having a squeeze,
and knows how to dramatically increase government handouts while reducing
taxes by squeezing all the value from expenditures.
There can be
little doubt that the issues of the upcoming election, likely to have Blitzkreger
and Wizemore as opponents, were put right next to the imported mild cheese
chunks and white wine on the City Club table during the governor's talk.
The central theme
will be: Do we believe the people of Oregon are capable of spending their
own money and taking care of themselves, or do we know in our hearts that
they are all sheep who need to be aimed in the direction of the feed truck,
and sheared to pay for the instructions?
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flash!***News flash!***News flash!***News flash!
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If you're a liberal, you are angry after reading the above satirical pieces. If you're a conservative, you're nodding your head and laughing. In either case, if you want to comment on them, go to the OpEd Page and use the e-mail link. Type "OpEd" in the "topic" box, then vent your mirth or your wrath. The ones that are both intelligent and printable will be published.