Dave
(Copyright 1998, Eric Blair)

My friend Andy told me to watch the CBS Evening Movie on the day after Independence Day.  I did, and was both
charmed and disgusted.  This film highlights one of the most frustrating experiences I have had during my fight against the
forces of liberalism - talking to conservatives.
     When I tell conservatives we need our own Pulitzer and Nobel prizes, they just blink and shake their heads.  They just
don't get it.  At times, I doubt they ever will.
     You see, they think fairy tales are unimportant.  They don't understand them or give them any credence.  Moreover, if you
explained that every dramatic story, even those written for adults, is essentially a myth, they'd think you were crazy.  Tell one
that and see what happens.  Then tell him that myth is the translation software though which every human, him included, views
the world.  He'll laugh in your face.
     I will now give you a mythological translation of the film, "Dave."
     It's about dirty machinations in a conservative White House.  The conservative president is cheating on his wife, having
sex with an intern, when he has a stroke.  The conservative chief of staff decides to use this opportunity to his own evil
advantage because all conservatives will cut each other's throats to get power.  Rather than turn the office over to a liberal
Vice President, he cooks up a phony scandal about the VP.  It's a real scandal, by the way.  A "savings and loan" scam this
chief of staff ran, along with his partner in crime, the evil conservative president who is in a coma in the White House
basement.  It's all going to be hung around the neck of the VP.
     Then, he finds a presidential double and begins to use him to bring about his own evil conservative agenda.  He, signing
for the fake president, vetoes a bill to help homeless black children.  Worse yet he plans to continue his support for the
reactionary Star Wars missile defense research program.
     Is any of this settling in with you, yet?  Clinton's scummy morals reattached to a liberal interpretation of  the person and
politics of Reagan!  (Can you name any other president associated with the orbital anti-missle defense shield known as Star
Wars?)
     It looks as if the evil conservative chief of staff is going to drive the nice liberal VP out of office, have the phony president
name him as the new VP and then resign, leaving the evil conservative chief of staff as President of the United States!  A
palace coup!  Then, the evil conservative can go ahead and starve black children and make old people eat dog food while
working themselves to death in concentration camps next to flaming polluted rivers where everybody will be forced to be
baptized into the First Congregational Aryan Church of the Holy Third Reich.
     But, the nice liberal phony president goes to the homeless children's shelter for a photo op and shows great
understanding, compassion and caring for a lonely black lad!
    The evil conservative president's wife, who is a caring liberal who obviously feels that it takes a village, watches the nice
liberal phony president with the black child, and is astounded at his proper niceness.  This, along with the fact that he looked
at her leg in the presidential limousine, makes her wonder.  Evil conservatives have no interest in sex, except to degrade
women in a power and control move.
    Now, the nice liberal phony president discovers what the evil conservative chief of staff has done by faking his veto on the
bill to provide a shelter for the unfortunate youthful victims of evil conservatism.
    He calls a meeting of his staff, and department heads, and suggests a way the homeless children can get the help they
deserve, without adding to the tax burden of American citizens!  (Liberals believe in balanced budgets.) He kills a
Department of Commerce ad campaign praising already-purchased American made automobiles.  Corporate Pork!  Tax
dollars being spent to aid the evil, undertaxed corporations!
     His next cut has to do with defense contractors who are being paid even though they aren't doing the work on time.  By
stopping those payments, and depositing the money saved in a bank, the interest will more than half pay for a roof over the
heads of the poor homeless children.

     Wondering why social programs and other liberal special interest pork costing trillions and making things worse instead of
better wasn't targeted?  The big corporation, capitalism, represents evil!   They get all sorts of tax breaks and buy
conservative politicians and don't care about little homeless children.  That's why.
    And why was national defense one of the targets?  Well, defense is bad.  People who want to spend money on national
defense, as required by the U.S. Constitution, are scary and not nice.  They don't understand that wars hurt people and
retard the redistribution of wealth to homeless children via government bureaucracies.  Besides, it is the U.S. that is evil, not
the communists in North Korea or the Butchers of Beijing, who are actually nice people who control the means of production
in the name of the people, who they really, really care about, unlike the nasty, evil, rich, bad, greedy conservative capitalists.
    (These things weren't said, you understand.  They were implied.  If one conservative besides me out there understood the
construction of myth and its power to shape human beliefs and attitudes, I'd tell his wife she's dead wrong about him.)

    Next, the nice liberal phony president announces that he believes everybody has a right to a job, and the Press applauds
and compares him to FDR!
     Another nice touch in the film has to do with a black secret service guy in a suit.  The phony president suggests he ought
to dress down a bit.  Gee, what a warm, personal thing that is.  And, in the end, the black guard says he would have taken a
bullet for the white liberal phony president - which means he wished the white liberal phony actually was the president so that
racial quotas, multi-generational welfare and Jesse Jackson could continue unabated, forever.
     But, in the main story, the evil conservative chief of staff is now dangerously angry at the nice liberal phony president.  So,
he tries to hang the "savings and loan" crime on both the nice liberal VP and the nice liberal phony president.
    (A savings and loan scam!  That's why the presidential character was made a conservative.  Nobody in their right mind
would believe a Democratic president could get involved in something like that!"
    In the end, the phony president, posing as the evil conservative president, fakes a heart attack right after telling congress
that he and the evil conservative chief of staff had tried to hang their crimes on the nice liberal Vice President.  (Only
conservatives hide illegal shenanigans.  Liberals would never, never do anything but care for the American people.)
     The nice liberal VP takes over.  The evil conservative president dies.  The nice liberal former First Lady who of course
cares about people, not power, is now free to marry the nice liberal former phony president and help him find temporary jobs
for the poor common American citizens whose real jobs have been taken away by evil conservatives like her late husband,
Reagan and Newt Gingrich.
     In the last scene, she is kissing him while the black former secret service agent is standing guard outside his office.
     It's called Hollywood, folks.  Old  Senator Mac and his evil Senate hearings were right when labeling the Screen Actors
Guild as being under Communist control.  Even the idiot liberals no longer deny that.  Hollywood could use another purge
like that.
     But, even more than that, we need conservatives to get a few things through their honest but thick skulls.  Marx wanted
education, to fundamentally shape the young.  In America, he got it.  Marx wanted the Press, to constantly bolster that belief
structure via misinformation, slanted writing and the Big Lie.  In America, he got that, too.
     And, if Marx was alive today, he'd want the entertainment business, as well.
     Why?
     Education is about the intellect.  The Press is about the intellect, and now and then about the emotions.  The Arts are
about an intellectual theme buried at the bottom of a gigantic pile of human emotion.
     The play's the thing.
     My fellow conservatives, logical thinkers by nature, just don't get it.  You can tell the truth until you're blue in the face, but
it won't move people, make them feel the point.  But, if the point is delivered by a dramatist's pen, they'll feel it.
     Put the life of Christ in an economic essay, and see how many converts you get.  But, put the life of Christ in a drama, and
you have the attention of the world's hearts!
     What you fertilize is what grows, boys.  Where's the million dollar Goldwater Prize for the finest, most moving literature
by a living conservative author?  (Hell, where's the big time conservative publishing industry that should be looking for, finding
and promoting authors like that?)
    I watched the movie, Andy.  It just made me sad.  It was a beautifully written piece of liberal propaganda.
    Sic transit veritas.

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