Even though AW's Kaitlin Hopkins (KELSEY) has managed to triumph over a real-life sexual assault, she never dreamed that a storyline dealing with similar issues would evoke such powerful emotional responses from viewers. Women from across the country have written her letters so supportive that she has been reduced to tears, Kaitlin tells SOAP OPERA MAGAZINE in this exclusive interview.
"Ninety percent of the letters come from women so badly damaged by sexual events that their lives have been changed forever," Kaitlin says quietly. "Teenagers say they know whatever happened to Kelsey has affected their trust in men and is endangering her relationship with Jamie. They want to share their pain with Kelsey when they see what she's going through. That's an enormous responsibility for an actress; a storyline becomes a lot more important when people begin investing themselves in you. And their letters become a part of Kelsey; I take pieces of themm and make them part of her.
Kaitlin says that the letters from older women, many of them college students, have a darker tone. "Many have been date-raped, and they write about damaging sexual events, primarily by people they thought they knew: boyfriends, professors, teachers and bosses."
Kaitlin says these women understand how badly Kelsey's sexual trust was damaged by the college professor who seduced her, promised her the moon, and then reneged on his promises the day she graduated. Kaitlin also senses that viewers are picking up on her own past, and she and her boyfriend Judge Reinhold have discussed their reaction in depth. "I read two letters to him that were so sad I just started weeping," she says. "Judge had to remind me that I had to understand I'm bringing all my own history to Kelsey as well."
Kaitlin has a troubled history: she was sexually abused in boarding school when a man she had dated for three years talked her into coming to his dorm room. "He got drunk with a bunch of guys," Kaitlin recalls, speaking very softly, "and they took bets on which one could get his girlfriend into the dorm and into bed so they could all burst into the room and see her naked. Nobody believed he could get me there, but he did. One of the reasons it was so traumatic is that these were people I knew, guys I'd gone to school with for four years. They were my 'friends'. To have your trust vilated that way, to be victimized like that, is particularly horrible, and makes it very difficult to believe there are people who won't hurt you."
Like Kelsey, Kaitlin returned 10 years later for a class reunion and confronted the man who had assaulted her. "I told him: 'When you did this to me, you really damaged me. It took me 10 years to figure out if I was going to be okay.'"
For three years after the incident, Kaitlin says, she was drawn into abusive relationships. "Therapy eventually helped me understand that what happened wasn't my fault and that I had nothing to be ashamed of. Interestingly enough- and here's the mentality of a 16-year old- I was ashamed because I 'd always wanted to be an actress and I was terrified that the incident would come back to haunt me. For years, I'd wake up in a cold sweat, remembering him pulling the covers off me, hearing the door burst open and all these guys running into the room.
But, like Kelsey, Kaitlin is confidently emerging from the shadows. "It's taken me four or five years," she says, "but I finally have a successful relationship,one that's free of dysfunction and abuse and craziness. Honest to God, it's the think I'm most proud of in my life. And I'm not ashamed of myself anymore: I'm proud of who I am. I can't change my past, but I can embrace it as a part of men and what I am able to bring to the characters I play."
Kaitlin's also grateful for her work. "Judge once told me this might be the only time in my career that I would have so much impact on people that they'd share their lives with me, and even thank me for helping them. And he's absolutely right: I am lucky. Recovering from pain takes time, but it can be done. I'm doing it. I'm accomplishing something important, and I'm no longer in pain." -Anne Marie Allocca

The article is accompanied by a quarter page color photo of Kaitlin from waist up, wearing a red print dress; a small color photo of Kaitlin with co-star Russell Todd (JAMIE).